Responding to Children Who are Victims of Sex Abuse

Support the child. Assume that she/he is telling the truth. Listen carefully and calmly. Do not react with anger or horror.

Assure the child that she/he is not to blame for what happened. ("This is not your fault") and that she/he did the right thing in coming to you.

Allow the child to tell his/her story. It is the job of the child welfare worker or the police to interview the child for evidence. However, if the child wishes to continue talking, remain responsive and supportive until they arrive.

If the child has been molested by someone outside the family, call the parents immediately. You can help them to understand that you are required by law to report.

Remain with the child until the child welfare worker or police officer arrives to interview her/him.

Support the child to tell the truth at all times. A child may change her/his story because of pressure by family members or the family crisis that follows disclosure.

Provide for the safety of the child. Chances are high that the abuse will continue if you do not act. Other children may be victimized too.

Explain that you cannot keep what has happened a secret.

Call 310-1234 (24 hour line, toll free in BC) to report the incident.

Contact a child welfare agency and/or police immediately. Note: The reporting of sexual abuse to the police and child welfare authorities is a legal responsibility in Canada. It may be difficult for clergy who have strong relationships with all members of the family in which the abuse has occurred. Some offenders protect themselves by cultivating good relationships with the pastor.

If the child reports abuse by a family member, do not contact the child's parents. Doing so may place the child in considerable danger, or subject her/him to great pressure to change her/his story. This might jeoparize the subsequent investigation and result in unsuccessful intervention by the ministry of children and families.

Obtain support for the non-abusing parent who will be in crisis, but will be the main resource for the child.

Avoid blaming her/him for what has happened or implying that she/he should have known about the abuse.

Recognize that the non-offending parent may be having difficulty facing facts. She/he may be tempted to deny, minimize or even blame the child for disclosing. Do not minimize the seriousness of what has happened, or the perpetrator's responsibility for it in order to make her/him feel better. Provide her/him with the support (or obtain the support) she/he needs to face the reality of the situation. (Faith communities or churches often provide funds to assist with counselling costs.)

If you are able to, assure her/him that you are available for support on an ongoing basis. Encourage this person to develop a network of support. You may want to recommend a support group.

Get support for yourself. Do not counsel beyond your skill level and training.

There are differences among pastoral care, providing support and providing therapy although all are important.

Additionally, it will be important for you to get support for yourself. You will have your own responses to the experience a victim has shared with you.

Consult with professionals experienced with abuse issues to obtain assurance and personal support.

For confidential referral information call 604-850-6639 or toll free 1-888-622-6337 Monday to Friday 8:30 - 4:30pm. Ask for Elsie.

Adapted with permision from Abuse Bulletin #2. Voices for Non-Violence and MCC Canada Women's Concerns Committee.