Listen
with respect and attention
Most adult survivors of child abuse have kept their secret for
many years, and as a result, have sustained a high degree of isolation
for a long period of time. A strong
sense of "unfinished business", depression, self-destructive
behaviour and difficulties with their marriage, intimacy or sexual
relationships may be ongoing problems.
Working towards resolution is an urgent current need if they are
bringing it up now, even if it takes a long time.
Believe
the victim/survivor and validate her/his feelings.
Your inclination may be to hear both sides of the story first;
however, the survivor first needs to be believed and supported.
Know common myths about abuse and be sensitive to how victims
and concerned persons blame victims through these beliefs. Victims
need to know that it is not their fault they were abused.
Avoid
blaming, judging, or minimizing what has happened. Do not
say, "that was a long time ago" or "you must get
on with your life - forgive and forget."
Know
about and refer to individual counsellors and support or self-help
groups in your area. The counsellors you refer to should be
skilled at helping survivors deal with their past. When making
a referral, ask whether the survivor would prefer to see a counsellor
of her/his gender - this may be very important.
